Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt “Talk Very Openly” About Adoption With Their Kids - OK! Magazine - The First for Celebrity News

This is an interesting interview with the stars of Kung Fu Panda 2. I have not seen the film, but would be curious about what people think of the way they present adoption. Apparently, there are many different views of this portrayal. Do you think it's a good film to educate the public; do you think it's a good film for adopted children to see?Comments anyone?

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt “Talk Very Openly” About Adoption With Their Kids - OK! Magazine - The First for Celebrity News

Upcoming Workshop Dec. 5

Come join us at Adoption Support Associates on December 5th, 2010 for a workshop at our offices in West Orange, NJ. We will be discussing issues on the various characteristics, challenges, joys and woes common in adoptive families. We will offer support, information and comradery.  Click on the link below for details and registration!

Parenting the Adopted Child, When Love is Not Enough

Here are some famous people touched by adoption!

I found this interesting list in a book entitled: "Guide to Adoption" put out by Adoption Together in Silver Spring, MD. I thought it was an inspiring and empowering list to share with everyone. 

Adoptees:
Edward Albee, Playwright
John Audubon, Naturalist
Richard Carlson, Past Pres., Corp. for Public Broadcasting
Kitty and Peter Carruthers, Olympic Ice Skaters
Nat King Cole, Entertainer
Faith Daniels, TV News
Ted Danson, Actor
Melissa Gilbert, Actor
Scott Hamilton, Olympic Medal Skater
Steven Jobs, Founder, Apple Computer
Art Linkletter, TV Host
Charlotte Ann Lopez, Miss Teen USA, 1993
Greg Louganis, Olympic Diver
Sarah McLachlen, Singer
James Michener, Author
Tom Monaghan, Founder, Domino's Pizza
Dan O'Brien, Olympic Decatholon
Jim Palmer, Baltimore Orioles
Dave Thomas, Founder, Wendy's restaurants
Anthony Williams, Mayor, Washington, DC


Birth Parents:
Albert Einstein, Physicist
J.C. Watts, US Congressman
Robert Fulgham, Author
Joni Mitchell, Singer
Roseanne Barr, Entertainer
Pauline Collings, Actor
David Crosby, Musician


Adoptive Parents:
Julie Andrews, Singer Actress
Lloyd Bentson, Past Secretary of the Treasury
Art Buchwald, Humorist
Ben Nighthorse Campbell, US Senator, Colorado
Connie Chung and Maurie Povitch, TV News
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, Actors
Jamie Lee Curtis, Author, Actor
Ted Danson, Actor
Joan Didion, Author
Patti LaBelle, Singer
Magic Johnson, L.A. Lakers
George Lucas, Film Producer
Willie Mays, NY & SF Giants, NY Mets
John McCain, US Senator Arizona
Rosie O'Donnell, TV Entertainer
Marie Osmond, Singer
Michelle Pfeiffer, Actor
Steven Spielberg, Producer
Barbara Walters, TV Journalist

Video: Children Full of Life

I recently viewed a YouTube video called Children Full of Life.  It is a series of 5 clips about a teacher in a 4th grade classroom in Japan, who is able to teach compassion, in the way he runs his class.  It is tuly breathtaking and inspiring.  (Be sure to watch all 5) Here's the link:
Children Full of Life
I haven't seen the one on bullying, but it might be good too...
While it speaks to everyone, I am posting this here, because I feel it has so much relevance to the adoption community, in particular... This teacher is able to foster compassion, which is a component of belonging, attachment, bonding, isn't it?  If we can grasp what he is doing with this class, we can apply it to families.  He takes a group of children who are not yet a cohesive group, and turns them into a "family" with a sense of responsiblity to each other, a demand for kindness, support and respect and yes...love.  He teaches them how to put words to their feelings, to express them, and in so doing, they experience being "known."  In the process, they must learn to listen and understand what they hear.  Not something we all do so easily, nor so often.  But isn't that a requirement to truly be in a relationship?!  Just wonderful to watch.  What do YOU think?

November is Adoption Awareness Month

It's that time of year again...autumn.  Leaves will be ablaze with color and soon falling from their summer branches.  It also means that Adoption Awareness month is coming....November.  It's an exciting time in the adoption community, as many conferences and workshops are available to support each member of the community.  One wonderful event that is now in its 29th year is the "Let's Talk Adoption Conference" held at Rutgers University, put on by the Concerned Persons for Adoption (CPFA).  It is co-sponsored by Rutgers School of Social Work, Institute for Families and the New Jersey Interagency Adoption Council.  It will be held on Nov. 6, from 8am-4pm, at the Busch Campus in Piscataway.  This year Rita Taddonio, LCSW who is the Director of the Adoption Resource Center (ARC) at Spence-Chapin Services to Families and Children in NYC, will be the keynote speaker.   There are additional workshops held that will address the interests of just about anyone who has any connection to adoption, from adopted children, parents, educators, birthparents, siblings, therapists....and those who are merely at the stage of considering adoption as a way to grow their family.  Check out the link above to find out more.  Alternatively, you can call them at 908-273-5694.

Thoughts on sensory development in adoption

It makes sense to me that sensory issues can play a very large part of shaping the world of some adoptees.  While there are many possible reasons for challenges in this area, one is that the living conditions in which many international adoptees begin their lives are less than optimal.  I thought I might try to to explain some of it.

Let's imagine the world of a newborn. It is unknown, uncertain, stimulating and magically gratifying. The baby poops, and he is cleaned up with loving tenderness; he is hungry and a warm breast (or bottle) appears making the world right again; too cold and he is warmed with a cuddle and  a "blankie"; too loud and people are "shushed". There is fun cooing, smiling and singing when he is awake, and darkness when he needs to sleep. All is okay, enough of the time.

Let's switch to another possible scenario. This baby is in an orphanage  He is likely in a crib most of the day, rarely held, fed from a bottle, propped up on a pillow, too awkward to reach; the air is too cold, or too hot; he poops but it takes a while to be cleaned up and it is in a hurried, brusque manner. He cries, but he must wait his turn, so he stops. He learns to play with his toes and fingers, sucks his thumb, plays with his hair...there are few toys. He grows and though his brain is ready to receive and use language there is little to hear and less to say. The precious window of opportunity when the brain is forming ways to integrate stimuli is slipping by, there is too little stimulation to learn how to organize it, how to focus on words through the sights and sounds around him, nor to regulate his impulses.

Fast forward...post-adoption, he needs help to foster the capacity to integrate stimuli, to focus on what's important, to un-attend to the irrelevant.  The sensory system is on overload and short-circuits.  Until he learns this process, behavior can be impulsive, out of control.  With wisdom, acceptance and knowledgeable people to help take him through these developmental steps, he can begin to master the process that he missed. Then, learning can make leaps and bounds...

School...

by Barbara A. Holton. LCSW 

Hmmm.....well, once again around this time of year, those with young children in kindergarten and first grade must prepare themselves for projects that deal with the family and child.  The family tree, genograms, your child's life line, star of the day, star of the week and so on.  This is the first time your child might be asked to reveal his personal and private information in a public setting.  It is a pivotal time that suggests using some thought and planning.  

A basic question is whether or not anything truly must be shared about your child's adoption.  Parents may not realize it, but they can determine how to handle these projects.  Parents must decide what and how to share this precious information.  Parents can ask themselves, "should  the teacher handle explaining adoption to the class?  Does he/she have the knowledge to handle adoption related questions with my child's best interests in mind?  Does he/she know the words to say?  Do educators learn how to handle these matters in their training?  Are there other adoptive families in the community with whom I can talk in order to learn how sensitively teachers in the school addressed adoption in the classroom with their child?" 

It is not uncommon to have doubts about what to do. "But we are a family.  Why should I even bring this up?  My child isn't asking about their birth parents so why should I?  Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?  No one prepared me for how to handle this stuff.  I want to help my child so I guess I have to talk to them about it?  How can we leave out their birth family if we are doing a family tree?  Their birth parents are their roots, they have a connection that existed before we entered their lives."

Here's an example of a situation that I came across recently.  A child brought home a school assignment to create a family tree with apples, one for each member of the family.  But two were missing--her daughter's birth mother and birth father.  So, sensitively the parent asked her daughter how she wished to handle it.  Initially, she just wanted to leave out her birth parents.  But when they discussed the image of the tree and the implications of leaving out her birth parents, she changed her mind.  Whatever she decided to do would have been fine with this parent, but she recalled that at age 5 a similar assignment had provided an opportunity to have a talk about adoption.  She was able to capitalize on this potentially difficult emotional challenge to help her child organize and express her feelings and thoughts. These windows of opportunity can be opened along developmental lines so that children can sort out their thoughts, feelings & questions as they arise, organically.

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How have others handled these types of projects???   Please share, we all need one another as there isn't a right or wrong way, just the best way for our child, our family and our schools.